The Council of Elderond
by DrToilette
Summary: Frodo reveals the truth in this alternate view of the Council of Elrond. What will now happen to the ring of power and who will wield it


The Council of Elderond

Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of The Rings neither its original plot nor characters. All I can claim is this idea.

"Strangers from distant lands; friends of old. Middle Earth stands upon the brink of destruction none can escape it…"

"Errr… question?" Frodo asked raising his hand like a polite school child. Elrond looked affronted but replied, "Yes young Hobbit."

"I just want to ask whether a ring, can really cause the end of the world"

"I was alive when it was forged almost three thousand years ago. Many suffered and died due to its power and…"

"But couldn't your memory have faded a little? I mean it's been three thousand years since that happened. You are getting on a bit."

"Elves live longer then the oldest trees and our memories are impeccable. Now you must make your way to the land of Mordor and cast the ring back into the fiery chasm from whence it came."

"Yeah and about that." Frodo leaned forwards and asked, "Would you happen to know the way to Mordor? I mean a man with your impeccable memory would surely know the way to Mordor without a map."

"Yes quite, quite." Elrond looked around and after a few seconds said, "Elves are said to have an impeccable memory but a wizards memory is said to be flawless. Gandalf would you care to jump in?"

Frodo looked towards the wizened wizard who had been his friend since his childhood, who now had his head stretched back into his hood and was sleeping though open eyed.

Frodo smirked in triumph and went on. "I mean pretty much everybody here is getting on a bit. I mean you Elves are between a thousand and seven thousand years old. The Dwarves are pushing from a hundred to five hundred."

"That's true." Gloin said lighting his pipe.

Frodo continued, "Sometimes I don't even remember how old I am on a good day." He gave a hearty laugh that was picked up on by the other Dwarves and after five minutes he said, "Yes. Yes. Now why were we laughing again?"

"Well Frodo." Aragorn said from across the council chamber, "It seems as though your wisdom is justified. Therefore I shall take the ring to Mordor and destroy it."

"Welllllll…" Frodo stuttered "I mean I really do owe you for saving my life from those hooded people."

"Frodo for the last time those are Ringwraiths." Aragorn said as he had already explained to Frodo many times previously.

"I know I saw really pale figures when I put the ring on and they stabbed me; but you do know how much knife crime has increased over the past years? Pretty much all pale people wear hoodies so they can get away with stabbing people. They were just being practical."

"Frodo. Never in my whole life have I ever heard such arrant nonsense. Why are you trying to explain away the rings power? It is evil and must be destroyed immediately before all the lands of Middle Earth suffer under Sauron's wroth."

Frodo stared at Aragorn and said, "I'll concede that point but only if you answer one question."

"And what would that be?"

"How old are you?"

"I beg your pardon." Aragorn said, glaring furiously at Frodo one hand on his sword hilt.

"It's a simple question. How old are you?"

Frodo looked around the room as by now everyone else who had been summoned to the council was now doing a Gandalf. Elrond had taken it a step further and was brashly declaring in his sleep, "Set two more squadrons on the flanks we need all the wing support we can get."

A blond elf, who he vaguely recalled being named Legolas. Though the introduction itself was memorable mainly by the large wind-machine, that had made his hair flutter. Eleven elven women were diagnosed pregnant at that juncture which had delayed the council meeting by a good hour. He was also talking in his sleep however his 'conversation' was a lot different, "My hair swish, brings all the girls to the yard…"

In fact the only other person who was still paying attention to the conversation was a ginger haired man who's eyes were focussed on the centre table were the ring was.

Aragorn had sniggered profusely when Legolas had tried to flick his hair in his sleep, hit his chair and fell to the floor. The elf took two seconds to wake up look around the floor and then decided to go to sleep down there.

"I'm eighty seven." He muttered looking at Frodo who nodded and said, "Thought so. It did take forever to wake you up while you were walking."

"What do you mean while I was walking?"

"You sleep walk. I mean you carried me three miles towards Rivendale before you woke up."

"Are you sure?" Aragorn said glaring at Frodo and said, "Nobody ever said anything while I was fighting for Rohan and Gondor."

"That's because they knew you'd kill 'em." The ginger haired man said taking his eyes off the centre table and carried on staring at Aragorn, "My father told me that when he was a boy, a brave soldier used to lead troops onto victories. It was only after he talked to some of 'em that he realised you'd done it all in your sleep."

"So you're telling me that all of my heroic victories and swordplay only worked because I was asleep?" Aragorn asked startled and since no-one else was awake turned the question over to Frodo.

"I gotta admit. I did find it weird that while we were on Weathertop, you kept calling out "Thum diddle diddle, thum diddle I." At the time I thought that was just how you got pepped for your sword fights." Aragorn bowed his head as Frodo turned his attention to the ginger haired guy and asked, "You seem like a reasonable guy. What's your name and how old are you?"

The ginger guy pointed at Frodo and said, "Ahhhh you." He stood up and walked over to Frodo before realising to still be on his height level immediately got down onto his knees. At which point one of the dwaves woke up and said gesturing a fist wildly into the air, "Good on you young hobbit," before once more collapsing into a state of extreme unconsciousness.

"I'm Boromir son of Denethor the steward of Gondor and I'm forty years old."

"Forty years old. Well you seem in good health and mind. So do you think that ring there is evil?" Frodo gestured to the ring.

Boromir looked over at it and said, "It is evil and I'll be sure to take it to Mount Doom right away. However my sister's been in the Houses of Healing recently so I'll need to stop off home and see her."

"You don't even have a sister." Aragorn called out sitting up and staring at Boromir who replied, "Isn't it about nap time old man?" Aragorn glowed red for a few seconds but then seemed to fall unconscious.

"Why'd he just collapse like that?" Frodo asked Boromir shrugged and said, "I don't know but I've got a feeling that these Elves like to add roofies into people's drinks."

"That's just sick."

"I know. So will you let me take the ring to Mordor in your place? I'll get there as quick as I can."

"Well since I'm older then you I'll let you take it; younger heads and all that. I'm going to head back to the Shire and write up my adventure. You may have to deal with Merry and Pippin though. They like rebelling."

"I'm sure I'll be able to look after them." Boromir said his eyes had turned back to the centre table.

"I'll just go and get Sam."

"I'm right here Mr. Frodo sir." Sam said from next to him.

"Sam? How long have you been here?"

"Oh I've been here the whole time Mr. Frodo sir. I thought you saw me."

"No I didn't. Must be my eyesight again. Come on Sam let's head back to the Shire."

"Frodo." Frodo turned back as Boromir then said, "Thank you. You have saved Middle Earth and out of interest how old are you?"

"I'm fifty. Now come on Sam lets head back to The Shire."

"Righty-O Mr. Frodo."

"WHAT?"

"I said. RIGHTY-O MR. FRODO."

"Gheese Sam. Why'd you have to be so loud?"

*A Week Later

"Ah Sam have you brought me my copy of the Hobbit Mail."

"Yes sir. Mr. Frodo." Sam passed him the paper which blazoned the headline, 'MIDDLE EARTH DOOOMED. GONDOR TO BLAME.'

"Sam I wanted the Hobbit Express. The Hobbit Mail is always so doom and gloom."

"But Mr. Frodo it's the same headline on every paper. Well apart from the Hobbit Star but that was dealing with Mr. McFarthans divorce."

"Ah well Sam it'll do now let's see here. "Gondor has allowed the fabled ring of power to fall into the hands of the enemy. This shocking story was discovered in the Shire by now conjoined friends Merriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took. "All we wanted to do was rebel against the power. It's not our fault that we fought the power and the power won. We did our best but that guy just went evil." They went on to explain that the "that guy" is son of Gondorian Steward Denethor, Boromir who has now gone missing. Theorists believe that he has betrayed all of us and that imminent death shall be swiftly… Boring ooo… on page seven there's a sex scandal in Rivendale."

And as Middle Earth fell into ruin the people of Rivendale were cordoned off by the New Mordonian Empire into a retirement home for the ridiculously old, Gondor became New Mordor and The Shire which had for so long had known peace became a county which everyone ignored even more than they did before.


End file.
